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主题:我写的关于铁问题的research paper,请大家批评指正 -- 鸭绿江

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  • 家园 我写的关于铁问题的research paper,请大家批评指正

    写这个research paper还是有私心的,academic writing课要求写一个research paper,所以立即想到了这个题目,回头找了找资料,现如今在整个欧美,只有一个叫Wagner, Donald B.的哥们儿研究中国的铁的问题(在我找到的近年的资料里确实如此)。而我对中国铁的问题的看法是,很有可能比中亚以西发明(发现)的晚,而且中国什么时候出现铁尚未有定论,所以这个问题没法谈,但是中国的铁制品发展却是很快的,前后约300年左右,即普及(主要是个人推测,战国末,齐楚以盐铁致富,那么出现的时期往前推个一二百年,大约是公元前3,4 百年的样子,然后在公元前一百年左右,即文景之治和汉武帝反击匈奴时大规模普及)不像是西方,很不平均,这一点,我的research paper里有论述。

    坛子里水深,千万别留情面,倘若有错,只管批就是了,还有就是,我现在只来得及把英文版的发出来,最近学习太忙,可能一两个礼拜后把中文的贴出,或者那个兄弟帮个忙,在这里先谢过了。

    Comparison of History of Iron Smelting in Western and China

    Iron is one of most important natural resources used by people. Not only because its qualities in natural, but only its abundance all over the world. The history of people using iron can be traced back to at least 3000 BC. The Iron Ages does not begin until about 1200 B.C. Different regions have different times of entering Iron Ages. Comparing with their west counterparts, people in ancient China area had a late start entering the Iron Ages. The history of iron using in China is generally ignored in historian discussions. There are a few comprehensive studies of history of iron usage and smelting in ancient China. In fact, the iron producing techniques used by ancient Chinese were more advanced than Western World. Not long after ancient Chinese began to use iron, iron was more commonly used in China than in west. In the paper, I try to explain that ancient Chinese have technical advantages of using iron, and iron usage was popularized faster in China than in the rest of the world.

    Metallic iron was known and used for ornamental purposes and weapons in prehistoric ages; the earliest specimen still extant, a group of oxidized iron beads found in Egypt, dates from about 4000 B.C. And there are other occasional smelting of meteoritic irons to build decorative weapons. Since meteoric irons are rare and hard in nature, they are very precious. The archaeological term Iron Ages properly applies only to the period when iron was used extensively for utilitarian purposes, as in tools, as well as for ornamentation.

    Around 1400 B.C., the knowledge of smelting iron was first discovered by Hittites in the West Asia area, somewhere around today’s Turkey. In a letter dates from between 1275 B.C. to 1250 B.C., Hittite king wrote to a contemporary monarch, in which he apologized for not being able to provide more iron for dagger-blades from Kizzuwatna. Thus, the beginning of the Iron Ages can be traced to about 1200 B.C. According to Snodgrass, there are three-stages for development of the Iron Ages: “first, iron is known but is rare, and is used mainly for decoration; second, iron is used as a ‘working metal’ for weapons and tools, but bronze dominates for practical implements; third, iron is the main working metal, although it does not completely replace bronze.” Further, Snodgrass identifies that Cyprus, Greece, Syria and Palestine enter stage two by 1200 B.C., and says Cyprus is the first iron-based economy, entering stage 3 around 1100 B.C. Aegean islands begins their stage 3 by 1050 B.C. Crete is about 50 years behind, and western Greece and western Mediterranean Europe is up to 300 years latter. Iron Ages here is off course in a relative sense. To say the above regions iron-based economy is a distortion, since iron moved around in a very restricted relation of exchange, and away from everyday activity. Braudel observed that “the Iron Ages had hardly begun for the entire chronological span of this book [A.D. 1400-1800]. The farther back in time one goes from the great turning point of the industrial revolution, the small the role played by iron …”

    There are still debates of why there was a sudden adoption of iron among archaeologists and historians. One popular theory is that warfare and mass migrations beginning around 1200 B.C. disrupted the regional trade, including copper and tin, which are two raw materials of making bronze, so that forcing a switch from bronze to iron. Egypt, on the other hand, did not experience such a rapid transition from the bronze to iron ages: although Egyptian smiths did produce iron artifacts, bronze remained in widespread use there until about 500 B.C.

    For readers unfamiliar with iron metallurgy, some explanations are necessary in order to follow my arguments. In the Bronze Ages, iron oxides, which are widely distributed, were used as flux of smelting bronze, in order to reduce the melting point. Some iron tools or weapons discovered in some major bronze smelting centers might be the by-products of the bronze making process. Iron in sponge form is called wrought iron, which has a melting point of 850ºC. Cast iron has a smelting point of 1170ºC. Two kinds of irons are different in their carbon content, which affects not only their qualities but also their fusibility. Wrought iron is free of carbon, and it becomes cast iron when the iron content reaches two and one half percent. Carbon absorbed by iron makes it harder. Therefore, wrought iron is soft, and cast iron is hard and brittle. This explains why Roman soldiers always have to run back and forth during the battle in order to straighten their bended sorts.

    Not until middle Ages, iron made by the people in the west was wrought iron. In the Western, people used similar equipments of smelting bronze to make iron, which made the process labour consuming and costly, since iron has a higher smelting point than bronze, 1530ºC, which can never be reached during the smelting process in the Western. The Greek historian Diodorus, writing in about 25 B.C., says that Aethalia (the island of Elba) abounds in ironstone, “this the natives dig and cut out of the ground to melt, in order to make iron, much of which metal is in this sort of stone. The workmen employed first cut the stones in pieces, and then melt them in furnaces built and prepared for purpose. In these furnaces the stones, by the violent heat of the fire, are melted into several lumps, in form like great sponges, which the merchants buy for truck and exchange for truck and exchange for other wares.” And then these lumps, he continues, are bought by “the smiths, who beat and fashion them into all sorts of tools.” As we can see, the process of smelting iron is very costly. Thus, Western people never naturally wanted to use iron to replace bronze, but the scarcity of tin and copper forced them to do so. In ancient Greece area, between 1125 B.C. and 1025 B.C., the number of bronze items excavated is over iron; between 1025 B.C. and 900 B.C., iron items are more than bronze items; between 900 B.C. and 825 B.C., the iron items is out numbered by bronze items again, and the ratio of bronze over iron is higher than of 1125 to 1025 B.C. period. This observation suggests that iron did not completely displace bronze in the early period suggested by Snodgrass. The period of iron items dominates bronze items above was the time that raw materials of making bronze were in shortage. As in later times, copper and tin became scare and they were hard to be controlled by elites of the countries. Western began to use iron tools and weapons, not because their better qualities and cost efficiency, but their abundance.

    Now, let us look at the Chinese story. By the Shang dynasty (about 1500 BC), which is the Chinese dynasty with the earliest-known written records, metal casting or foundry skills had been developed to a remarkable degree. Bronze objects of very large size and complexity of shape, even by modern standards, were produced in this period. The large objects are for ornamental, ceremonial and ritual uses and represented individual works of art. Bronze weapons also were produced in large numbers so that organized armies could engage in the warfare.

    Iron was used in China as early as at least 1500 B.C. (Shang dyansty), but in meteoritic forms. Chinese smiths at that time, hot forged meteoritic iron and produced small edges to be cast into bronze axes and other edged weapons. The question of whether these smiths developed their techniques themselves is still in discussion, but the probability of self invention is high. According to Wagner, iron smelting began in the capital of southern state of Wu, in around 500 B.C. Some ancient Chinese documents also suggest that smelted iron had been used in China earlier than 500 B.C. In the Tso Chuan, which is considered to have been written not later than 300 B.C., stated that in 513 B.C. two officials of the state of Chin requisitioned 650 pounds of iron in order to cast a tripod on which the criminal code was inscribed. In the Kuo Yu, considered to be a compilation of historical anecdotes in part at least as old as 200 B.C., there is a description of culture in the Zhou dynasty (1200 B.C. or later, to 600 B.C.) that lists the various implements and tools of iron that a farmer, a woodworker, and a seamstress should have. The reason why iron smelting began in the south is similar to the Western story. The southern state of Wu, is located at today’s Jiangsu Province, China, where copper and tin are rare but rich in iron. In ancient China, northern region of China, where copper and tin are abundant, considered people in the south region, such as Wu, as “barbarians”. Therefore, there was little trade between north and south, and there is always warfare between the two. Even there were trades; the copper and tin would be expensive. As a result, Wu was forced to use iron as their primary material for tools and weapons.

    Unlike in the west world, the way of these ancient Chinese smelting irons is different and more efficient. There are two differences of iron smelting in China and in the west. First, Chinese use coal rather than charcoal as fuel of iron smelting. The first recorded Western attempts to use coal as fuel in iron making were made in England in the 1700 A.D. and were not brought to success until 100 years later. Northern part of China, where coal is abundant, first used coal as fuel. Southern part of China later used coal as fuel instead of charcoal. Northern region might have long been familiar with iron, but not able to produce quality iron suitable for sword making. In addition, northern region had more resources of copper and tin than southern China. This might be the reason why people in the south region urged to invent new technique of iron smelting. Second, with charcoal smiths in the southern state of Wu developed an iron smelting technology that would not be practiced in Europe until Middle Ages. In Wu, iron smelters achieved a temperature of 1130ºC, hot enough to be considered a blast furnace. At this temperature, iron combines with 4.3 percent carbon and melts. As a liquid, iron can be cast into molds, a method far less laborious than individually forging each piece of iron from bloomery. Europe, however, continue to produce iron in a bloomery, which is not cost efficient. This is the main reason why use of irons spread slower in Europe than in China in various sectors of daily lives and productions.

    The products of blast furnace are cast iron. Since cast iron only appears in the rest of the world occasionally at early Iron Ages, the blast furnace must be an independent invention of the Chinese. Cast iron is rather brittle and unsuitable for striking implements. It can, however, be decarburized to steel or wrought iron by heating it in air for several days. In China, these ironworking methods spread northward, and by 300 BC, iron was the material of choice throughout China for most tools and weapons. A mass grave in Hebei Province, dated to the early 300 B.C., contains several soldiers buried with their weapons and other equipment. The artifacts recovered from this grave are variously made of wrought iron, cast iron, and steel, with only a few, probably ornamental, bronze weapons.

    Another theory proposed earlier by Read is that Coal used in China has its unique qualities. Coal is likely to be high in sulphur, which enters the iron and spoils its quality. However, Shanxi coal, which was used by intensively in the northern region, happens to be low in sulphur. In addition, the coal also contains abundant iron phosphate. The high phosphorus in iron tends to decrease the melting point of iron. When iron containing 6.7 percent phosphorus, it has a melting point of about 980ºC, which is lower than copper of 200ºC. The uniqueness of Chinese coal may be an explanation why Chinese iron smelting method did not spread to India, and why the rest of the world did not use coal as fuel of iron smelting.

    Although Chinese had a late start of iron smelting, its techniques of iron smelting developed much faster than the Western. Today, the largest iron casting item is still in existence, which is a cast-iron lion about 20 feet high and 18 feet long; cast in about 954 A.D. There is a parallel between the Western world and Chinese history in iron smelting. Both of them began to use iron as inferior substitutes as bronze, until advanced smith techniques was developed in south region China. Ever since blast furnace was introduced, iron usage dominates bronze. However, in Europe, iron smelting was still a costly process.

    • 家园 【原创】受老大鼓舞,再接再厉,谈一点语气的问题

      写科技论文,语气问题也是很重要的。以前本人的论文总是被老板斥责为 weak 的,而同组的美国同学经常就是 strong, very strong, 很是郁闷。现在知道了方向,略有提高,但差距还是不小。

      要写出一篇 strong 的论文,其实也简单。就是多用主谓宾。少用 be 动词,如 is, there be。少用被动态,国内教育似乎论文就应该通篇被动态,这个是不对的。比如,Figure 1 illustrates ...... 这样的语态是strong 的,强势的。如果换成 it is shown in figure 1....... 给人的感觉就很面,weak。

      再拿第一段的一句话,The Iron Ages does not begin until about 1200 B.C. 这里语气绕了两绕,百炼金刚绕指柔了。如果换成 ... ages had begun since 1200 B.C. 是不是感觉更硬梆梆些?科技论文不是小说,不要太温柔了,而是砸出去一定是要震倒一片的才行,或者文明点的说法叫做有说服力。

      河里正好有25个《科学》问题的原文链接。把我这两次说的和那些文章比对体会一下,一篇好的科学论文应有的形状也就出来了。

      • 家园 文章是交上去好长时间了,

        课程是专给留学生开的,以前按着书上写的,总觉得不是那么回事,看来单是语气都是有侧重的,确实老师从来没教过,谢谢了。

        可是如果是经济学的文章呢?毕竟这个题目写着有斗气的成分,可是经济学是专业。

        • 家园 re

          不管什么专业,一般都是找几篇写得好的论文来看。学会了分析,知道要注意什么之后,慢慢的就有体会。结构和语气的问题,只要自己留神,短时间内都会有很大进步。而词汇运用,句式则需要长期积累了。

    • 家园 【原创】正好在写历史文章,谈到相关事实,摘一段来看

      技术。不过,由于印度与中东之间、中东与欧洲之间存在便利的水路交通,所以它们之间的技术交流要比同远东文明的交流容易的多。不过,由于农业时代出现新技术的频率实在太低,即便技术的自然扩散很慢,各次技术进步之间的间隔依然足够技术传遍整个旧大陆。僻处远东的中国也没有因地理位置不利而明显落后于旧大陆的平均技术水平。相反,由于相对封闭的地理环境,中国的社会相对安定,许多技术在中国有足够的时间积累技术细节,从而发展到了农业社会的顶峰。

      不过,在定居农业时代的早期,技术进步随机出现的频率要快的多,冶炼、轮子、石工技术、陶器技术………在短时间内先后涌现。因此印度、中东、欧洲三个联系紧密的农业地区在技术上较远东、东南亚要先进一些。这或许也正是第一、第二个农业文明都出现在西亚水陆交通枢纽(今叙利亚-苏伊士运河地区)的原因。典型例子就是炼铁技术率先出现于西亚,然后是欧洲、印度,最后才传到中国或通过间接影响触发了中国金属炼铁技术的出现。(中国炼铁技术应出现在公元前1000年左右,西亚在公元前1400年或更早,印度和欧洲均为公元前1200年,铁器在中国真正普及要到西汉)

      铁器时代的姗姗来迟中国使中国在青铜时代停留的时间相对较长。在西方诸文明已经用块炼铁取代了成本昂贵、原料复杂的青铜时,中国还在努力改进青铜技术。结果,包括高温冶炼、大型铸件、原料破碎、强力鼓风技术在内的青铜冶炼技术在中国得到了充分发挥。等到炼铁技术在中国出现,这些从未在其他文明出现过的青铜冶炼技术细节很自然的让中国直接发明了生铁冶炼技术。由于其他文明过早的结束了青铜时代,没有哪个文明会努力发掘青铜冶炼技术细节,生铁冶炼要到14世纪才会在中国以外出现。炼铁技术的超前还使中国在公元1000年左右就能够大规模制造球墨铸铁、可锻铸铁,在东汉就能以炒钢法炼钢技术,在明朝就利用焦碳冶炼技术,这些技术在西欧的出现都要等到1700年前后,离工业革命只有不到1个世纪。

      中国钢铁冶炼技术的进步使中国在唐宋时期相对其他主要农业文明拥有无可辩驳的技术优势。优质廉价的钢铁不仅节约了人力,还增加了可开垦的土地,改善了人口-资源比。,中国在长达1000多年的时间里,在经济、技术上均领先于世界,不仅是因为相对稳定的政治格局,钢铁技术在其中也起了关键作用。不过,正如读者所看到的,这种上千年的相对富足并非是某个伟大人物或社会集团的功绩,也不是什么制度的优越性,只是客观的地理环境和偶然因素共同作用的结果。工业革命也一样。

    • 家园 太多的英文问题。

      Iron is one of the most important natural resources used by human beings. Not only because of its usefulness, but only also its abundance in nature. Although the history of people using iron can be traced back to as early as 3000 BC, the Iron Ages (check, Iron Age?) did not begin until about 1200 B.C. Different regions entered the Iron Age at different times. Comparing with their west counterparts, people in ancient China area had a late start . The history of iron using in China is generally ignored in historian discussions, and there are a few comprehensive studies of its history in ancient China. In fact, the iron producing techniques used by ancient Chinese were more advanced than Western World. Not long after ancient Chinese began to use the iron, had the iron become more commonly used in China than in west. In the paper, I will explain that ancient Chinese had technical advantages in using iron, and the usage of iron was popularized faster in China than in the rest of the world.

      • 家园 too many.....

        Iron is one of the most important natural resources used by human beings. Not only because of its usefulness, but only also its abundance in nature. Although the history of people using iron can be traced back to as early as 3000 BC, the Iron Ages (check, Iron Age?) ......

    • 家园 【原创】只看了第一段,觉得

      整个段落结构有问题。科技论文写作,每一段都有一个 topic sentence. 然后围绕这个topic展开。展开的时候,句子和句子之间的结构要满足 NIOI (new information old information) 的关系。OI 可来自于前一句,也可以呼应 topic sentence 中的概念。

      反观你的第一段,第一句 Iron is one of most important natural resources used by people。 该句应该是 topic sentence. 那么该段的核心内容应该论述铁为什么重要。你的第二句对此作了说明。第三句就要围绕第二句中的not only.....but also...的内容继续说明。但是你这里一转,开始大谈历史,整个段落都在谈论历史,还比较了一下中外的历史,首句 topic sentence 就落空了。阅读的人也会觉得你在从一个topic跳到另一个topic,从而你的论文让人不知所云,无法让人 follow your idea。

      所以这里的第一段作为一个 introduction, 最好分成三段,并充实内容。

      第一段,论述铁的重要性。

      第二段,论述铁在中国的历史。注意和第一段的衔接。

      第三段,简述本论文要论述的内容。

      元宝推荐:铁手,
    • 家园 我试着来改写第一段

      先声明我对是冶金十窍通其九,只是按着自己感觉念着比较顺口来改的,同时也参考了阿嗑和闲来兄弟的建议。可谓众人拾柴火焰高。鸭兄弟对我的修改有啥意见尽管提好了,不到之处还请多多包涵。

      Comparison of the History of Iron Smelting in Ancient China and the Western World

      Iron is one of the most useful and important natural resources known to mankind. Not only because of its versatilities, but also because of its easy availability the Earth's surface. The Iron Age did not begin until about 1,200 BC. Different regions entered Iron Age in different times. Ancient Chinese had a late start entering this age comparing with Westerners. Regretfully, the usage of iron in ancient China is very often ignored by most scientific historians. Very few comprehensive studies of the history of iron usage and smelting in ancient China are available today. Quite possibly, the iron producing techniques in ancient China were more advanced than that of the Western World. Not long after the ancient Chinese began using it, iron products became more commonly available in China than in the West. In this paper, I will try to explain that the ancient Chinese had quite a few technical advantages in the processing of iron, and its usage in China was popularized faster than in any other parts of the world.

      • 家园 语句上strong 了,

        不过结构上如我前所说还是有一点点问题。最好,扔掉第二句,把第一句写成

        Iron, one of the most important natural resources, has been used worldwidely for thousands of years.

        这样整个段落的意思就非常清晰明了了。后面谈论的历史扣住 topic sentence 里的 thousands of years. 中西对比反映在 worldwide。

        In this paper 那一句,虽然只有一句,也最好另起一段。这样整个文章层次就会很清楚了。

      • 家园 nice modification
    • 家园 这个问题中国研究得非常彻底,你为什么不看看?

      老一辈学者关于这个问题的文章著作非常多。

      新一点,比较符合国际学术规范的文章可以看中科院出版的<自然科学史研究>杂志80年代的几篇文章,都是古典文献结合考古资料来谈,很有说服力。

      老实说,你谈这个问题居然没用一篇中文文献,全是外国人研究中国的二手资料,实在让人费解,不客气点说就是数典忘祖。

    • 家园 同意闲兄的意见

      中式英语的痕迹较重,冠词(the)的使用尤其如此。

      例如:你的Title---

      Comparison of History of Iron Smelting in Western and China

      就需要一定的修改,在适当的地方加入The才能使读者明白你的目的。另外,Western和China并非并列成分,前者是形容词,后者为名词。

      这样如何:---The Comparison of The Iron Smelting History in (Ancient) Western Countries and China.

      Ancient可加可不加,视你的意思了。

      如有冒昧,多多赎罪。

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