主题:【整理】《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选 -- eslay
没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。(比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。)在这个故事里,没头脑是Holmes,不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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1.
影片开头,Holmes启动Combo发大招,从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
Watson: I like the hat. (吐糟开始。)
Holmes: I just picked it up.
Watson: You remember your revolver?
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. (吐糟继续。)
Holmes: You did.
(注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子,吐糟。)
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
2.
宅了N久的Holmes(该不会因为Watson的新欢吧)在实验手枪消音器。枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
Holmes: Granted.
3.
晚餐桌上,吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻(女性)后。
Watson: Well done, old boy. (Very mature。)
4.
拳击场那段(Holmes启动Combo Strike之前)的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”,是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
5.
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作,发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
Watson: And what happens if I do this? (掀开瓶子,用手杖敲了敲,把虫子全放跑了。)
6.
Holmes去见Blackwood时,Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的(好吧,信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的)《约翰默示录》的一章,《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord“忽悠”。
7.
Blackwood死前的遗言是《木乃伊》的一句台词。
8.
Irene(就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼)带着Moriarty(莫利亚蒂教授,福尔摩斯系列的最终boss)的委托来见Holmes。
(Irene掏信,Holmes惊慌失措)
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? (这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。)
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
9.
Irene离开,Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场,玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes,建议Holmes远离麻烦(leave the case alone)。
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. (醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。)
Watson: Get that out of my face.
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
路人警官Clarky上场。
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. (面对伦敦警察,一种智力的优越感油然而生。)
得知Blackwood死而复活后,Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
10.
墓地勘查后,Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场,诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母,Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
(Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。)
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. (我们管这叫傲娇。)
11.
河边屠宰场,Blackwood装13地出场后。
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. (吐糟。)
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. (再吐。)
死亡机器开动,火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson (其实快被烤焦了。)
后来解Watson的皮带(挂在链子上增大阻力)。
Holmes: Don’t get excited. (汗。)
12.
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes,看到地上推理用的画符(顺便说一句,那作案顺序实在太古典了)。
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
13.
接下来的吐糟点不多了,因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后,才有了新笑点。对了,决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别,发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. (吐糟Watson)But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. (暗示Watson放他下来。)Good afternoon, dear. (向Mary问好。)
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. (淡定。)
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. (再次暗示Watson放他下来。)
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. (淡定。)
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? (开始求饶。)
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? (这回的吐糟方法就是比xxx还淡定。)
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. (看来真的挺不住了。)
Watson: Worse things have happened. (得理不饶人。)
Mary: John. (未婚妻看不下去了。)
(Watson把Holmes放了下来。)
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总之,这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson,一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty,暗示大家还会有第二部,第三部……
主演的Holmes。看了他的表演后,不管是谁来演都觉得不够味。尤其喜欢片头的那段小提琴......