主题：最近看到的笑话之三 -- 钛豌豆

我没车没房没钱没钻戒 但我有一颗陪你到老的心. 其实不靠谱程度类似于. 我没看书 没上课 没复习 没做题 但我有一颗不挂科的心.

有一天我同学问我 “你知道什么动物最爱问为什么吗？”

我老早就知道了，但是我还是配合了 我说:“不知道。是什么？”

同学:“是猪”

我：“哦。”

同学：“你不想知道为什么吗？”

我：“不想。”

同学：“为什么？”

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an 'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.

In a Tokyo Hotel:

Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:

Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:

Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailer shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:

Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

From the Soviet Weekly:

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakin tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:

Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:

Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:

Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

“保大人还是保小孩？”“呵呵都不保。”“你可真是禽兽不如！”保险推销员瞪了我一眼后摔门而去。

自从周董做了禁毒形象大使，和他接触的都吸毒蹲了。他去了最强大脑，结果策划的宁财神蹲了；参加大魔术师第一期录制，结果那期参与者，张国立儿子蹲了，高虎也蹲了；周董跟房祖名私交特别好，柯震东也不错年结果就……

某年某月某日的某座城，终于成了没有城管的城。

头一日。大眼说，要有自由。于是小贩雀跃，大板车四处招摇，地摊摆到楼道门口。大眼说，要买菜，开门就有了菜。大眼说，要夜宵，开窗就有了烤肉串，还有一扎生啤。大眼称，没有城管的大街，是幸福的城。这是头一日。

第二日。大眼说，须知大街之上，多少杀人者。他让你们过不去，你们就不让他过得去。大眼又说，今天不谈法律，杀人者，父亲。于是刀客从小贩中生长，警察、工商、卫生、质检、农业等人血溅五步。大眼称，真正的判决并非纸上。是第二日。

第三日。大眼说，要出门。踩烂几个西瓜，头挂一条黑丝，堵车N个小时，事就这样成了。大眼称，生活气息浓郁。是第三日。

第四日。大眼说，不需要恐惧，恐惧比我更恐惧。摊贩堵塞交通，也堵塞自己。垃圾满地，也方便我丢弃垃圾。夜市嘈杂，油烟污染，污水横流，是因为我们实在渺小。大眼说，我将一路走过去。是第四日。

第五日。大眼说，不是所有事都要回应。大眼就关闭手机，拆掉门铃。这是第五日。

第六日。大眼说，造摊贩中心。摊贩迁入，集体出资，自行管理，各从其类。事就这样成了。大眼说，可以有不高兴的权利。于是有摊贩不高兴进摊贩中心，继续在大街游荡。有集中，有流动，是第六日。

第七日。大眼说，治大国如种西瓜。于是，建稽查队，四人一组，配一持枪保安，专事取缔非法小贩。大眼赐福稽查队，每条大街都可以掩杀，就安息了。

转自新浪倾听指尖的博客