主题：让我在这个地界撒点野 -- 任意

you get more spare time, when you think the time you spend doing some other things is wasted time? I mean, spare time, is the time you spend to do some other things, right? But then you think, I wasted time. So, basically, no time should be wasted. All time should be used for work?!

I guess I am totally lost in my life now. Waste so much time online...I thought I knew what I want for life, but I was wrong, I don't really know. I wished for love, I don't know if the passion I had when I was young was love, I don't know if the marriage I have now is love. How do you tell the difference between love and responsibility? I wished for more spare time. But more work now doesn't mean more spare time later.

And I am so afraid that I will be held accountable for EVERYTHING I did. I have wasted so much time already. I hate that I could not be a robot and only work. I hate the fact that I can not make my life please to myself. I think, most of all, I hate I don't have anybody who love me for who I am. But then again, I don't know who I am either. I don't think I like myself either. I do hope I could be a robot. I do hope all I have to do everyday is work. I do hope I don't have any emotions. I do hope that I will never hope for happyness again. I do hope that I will have no hope for life ever.