主题：【原创】Kroger Card -- coo

I passed my Kroger card for ID badge this morning when I was entering the front door of the Institute. I took it out from my wallet, slided it through the card reader in front of the gate, and wait for the door to open. The guard on duty, a very good looking skinny girl sitting on a chair besides the gate, was amused into laughers as soon as she saw the card was actually a Kroger card, instead of an institute ID badge. She kindly remind me,

" How could you enter the building by Kroger card?"

Immediately I realized not only why she was laughing, but also how funny the mistake I made was. I changed the card, and slided it again through the card reader, while stepping close to the guard to talk to her,

" Hey, you know what? Yesterday, I did open the door by my credit card."

" Really? did you?!"

The guard was amazed. She looked at me with a suspicious face and asked me to make sure she was not hearing any wrong word,

"Yes, I did. However, later I found I was charged 100 bucks for that slide."

The girl guard fell down from her chair no sooner than she broke into laughters.

waited for the door to open?

I wrote it long time ago...

http://www.cchere.com/article/1924918

The new version is much vivid

than the earlier one. According to Style written by Joseph Williams, the coherent description of a story would allow readers to catch it up easily.

Who is the Chinese president?

Abraham is watching ABC news channel in the downtown plaza. He is so far away from the big screen that he can hardly hear anything. However, he is eager to know the most recent information about Sino-US summit conference. Thus he calls his friend Bruce to ask about the current news on TV.

Abraham: Hi buddy, are you watching ABC news?

Bruce: Yes, I am watching it right now.

Abraham: Do you know who is the Chinese president?

Bruce: Yes. The guy who is in dark blue, and standing just beside president Bush.

Abraham: Yeah right. He is Chinese president. What is his name?

Bruce: Hu!

Abraham: The Chinese president.

Bruce: Hu.

Abraham: The guy right there standing beside president Bush. Can you hear me?

Bruce: Yes, I can hear you. Hu is the Chinese president.

Abraham: Yes, that is my question.

Bruce: I say it again, Abraham, Hu is the Chinese president!

Abraham: hey Bruce, you don't have to repeat my question. I want to know his name. Did you know it, Bruce?

Bruce: Man, I am told you already. He is Hu.

Abraham: What? You haven't got it?

Bruce: Yes, I got it and told you already. Hu is the Chinese president!

Abraham: Yes, that is what I am asking you just now.

Bruce: Hu is the Chinese president!

Abraham: Yes, this time you got it right, Bruce. What is his name?

Bruce: Hu!

Abraham: Chinese president! Hi buddy, you keep on driving me mad. Do you know the question I am asking?

Bruce: Yes, I know. Who is Chinese president. Hu is Chinese president!

Abraham: Yes, who?

Bruce: Hu!

Abraham: Bruce, are you kidding me?

可是是原创的老消化呀，老评子装新酒么

Ted was a graduate student of the lab I worked before. He had a habit to help him focus when reading research papers that he liked to fiddle around with two soft balls in one of his hands. Usually those two soft balls were put on his desk. The lab members all knew the balls were Ted's toys for keeping him awake when he was doing reading. They also played them around for a while occasionally for fun. One day, Ted left them home when it happened an Indian girl student of the lab had a very difficult paper to read. In order to focus herself on the paper, she decided to follow Ted's way. She searched around Ted's desk for those balls for a while but could not find them. So she asked Ted, who was working with his computer to write a paper, "Ted, the paper I was reading is so hard. I need hold your two balls for a while to ease my pain of focusing. Where are they, your two balls?"

Two drunk guys were lingering in the street at middle night, while arguing who was the drunken one.

One guy shouted loudly, "You are drunken. I'm not drunk at all. Man, several glasses Whiskey mean nothing to me! "

The other answered with laughters. "Yeah right. Every drunken guy says so. Let's do a simple experiment to it." Then he took out a flashlight from his pocket, turned it on, and stood it on the ground on the bottom.

"Mr. Not Drunk, are you able to climb up along this pillar? This is a simple exercise and you can do it when you were five years old."

The first guy raised up his head, squeezed his eyes, looked toward the end of the light beam, shook his head, laughed, and said,

"Oh no, I am not drunk at all. I know what you are gonna do -- when I climb to the middle of that light pillar, what if you bad bloody bastard turn off the button? I am gonna fall on my butt!"

　杜拉尔·梅从小就听鄂温克的老人说，在很早以前，鄂温克人就开始迁徙了，是朝几个方向迁徙的。其中一部分人沿着海边往北方走，走到了大陆尽头，发现这个地方有三角形的海岸，海岸像箭头一样朝前伸，鄂温克人称它为：“牛热”（niure）；而海水围过来，就像一把弓，鄂温克人称它为“白令希敦” （bairing xiden），这个地方就是白令海峡。当时有好几个氏族一同迁徙，走到这里，人们就开始犹豫了，是顺着海岸线往西拐呢？还是掉过头往回走呢？这时候，一个萨满做了一个梦，它梦见一个白胡子长者对他说：这就是像弓箭一样的海岸啊！从这里渡海就像射出去的箭，海的对面可是一个好地方，那个地方叫阿拉希加（alaxijia，鄂温克语意为“等待你”）—这个地方就是美国的阿拉斯加。一连几天，萨满都做同样的梦。于是萨满召集各氏族首领共同商议迁徙的事，结果有的人同意渡海，有的人却要往回返，各说不一。最后萨满拿出一个主意，他说：“往回走的人，晚上朝回去的方向睡；想渡海的人，头朝大海的方向睡。”第二天早上，萨满一看，人们真的分两个方向睡了。这促使他下定了渡海的决心。临行前，萨满说：“现在就让我们分手吧，以后我们会离得很远，我们的后代怎样彼此相认呢？要记住，大拇指上戴箭环的人，就是我们鄂温克人。”就这样，他们分手了。

　　过去，鄂温克人并不怕海水，他们会游泳，也会造船，他们用原木扎大排的方法横渡过宽宽的海峡。临别的时候，渡海的人与留下来的人难舍难分，渡海的人站在木筏上向岸上的人不断招手呼喊：“乌格连，乌格连（wugelian，鄂温克语，意为“走吧！走吧！”）后来，这个地方就叫这个名字：乌厄连（英语Uelen）。

　　多少年过去了，一直没有渡海那部分人的消息，往回走的鄂温克人记住了海峡对岸的名字：阿拉希加——等待你。