主题：最近看到的笑话之四 -- 钛豌豆

苏格兰你要走？我们美国顶上！

Editor's note: David R. Wheeler lives in Lexington, Kentucky, where he is a freelance writer and a journalism professor at Asbury University.

主编寄语：大卫·R·维勒是肯塔基州列星顿市的自由作家、阿斯伯力大学的新闻学教授。

(CNN) -- Here's a question that seems to be lost in the debate over the Scottish independence vote scheduled for September 18:

If Scotland votes to secede, does that open up a spot for another country? And if so -- Scotland, can we take your place?

I realize that Americans fought a bloody war of independence from England in the late 1700s, but our rifts have healed over the past 240 years. In 2013, the Pew Research Center reported that England topped America's list of favorite nations, in a near-tie with our beloved northern neighbor, Canada.

In the past few years, as America has degenerated into political and economic chaos, it has become increasingly clear that we would be far better off if we apologized for our revolt against the Crown and requested to rejoin the United Kingdom.

在有关9月18日将要举办的苏格兰独立公投的辩论上，有一个问题似乎被忽视了。

如果苏格兰公投决定要分裂，那么对另一个国家来说，是否是有机可乘？如果是的话——苏格兰，我们顶上行吗？

我知道美国人在十八世纪后期曾经浴血奋战，争取从英格兰手里独立出去。但是我们的创伤早就在240年的岁月里痊愈了。2013年，研究中心的报告声称，英格兰是美国人最爱的国家。我们一度的最爱——加拿大也要略差一筹。

在过去几年里，美利坚在政治与经济乱象中衰退着。事实已经变得越来越清楚了：我们如果为我们当年对国王陛下的背叛而道歉，并请求重新加入联合王国的话，我们会过得比现在好得多。

There are four main ways America would benefit from unification with the UK: Brits have better health, less inequality, excellent manners and -- let's face it -- a superior culture. Let's improve our quality of life by joining them.

Want to live longer? Then let's become Stateland — the 50-state replacement for Scotland.

Brits have greater longevity than Americans, and the British health care system, while far from perfect, is indescribably better than ours. In my visits to the United Kingdom, I've noticed that just about anyone who can afford private health insurance buys it, which allows Brits to supplement their free, government-provided health care. That means there's a baseline of care that every person receives, and if you want something faster or better, you pay for it yourself.

Meanwhile, America's needlessly complicated arrangement of government- and employer-provided health care, in a clumsy compromise with insurance companies, costs way more than other developed countries' while producing worse results.

加入联合王国的话，我们美利坚可以得到以下四种主要的好处：不列颠人更加健康，社会更加公平，教养优秀，而且——让我们承认吧——文化更加优越。让我们加入联合王国，以提高我们的生活水准吧！

想活得更长久吗？那么就让我们成为利坚兰吧——大美利坚的50个州份，取代苏格兰！

不列颠人的预期寿命比美利坚人长。不列颠的医疗保障系统尽管远不是完美的，但也比我们的要好太多了。在我访问联合王国的时间里，我注意到几乎每个之付得起私人医疗保险的人都会买它，这样不列颠人可以在免费的、政府提供的医疗保险以外多一份补充保障。这说明在一个每人都有的基本保障上，而如果你希望更好更快捷的服务，你可以自己购买。

而反观美国，美国那些毫无必要的复杂的由政府和雇佣者提供的医疗保险，是一个和保险公司达成的拙劣妥协，成本远比其他发达国家高昂，而结果更加糟糕。

Next, Britain is a more equitable society. Although America has a higher GDP per capita, most of us -- that is, the 99% -- are not happy because of our ever-widening wealth gap. Brits have less inequality, and their median incomes (unlike ours) have risen in the past decade.

America's middle class used to be the richest in the world; now we're overtaken by Canada. Unless you are the 1% in America, chances are your wages are stagnant. Living a good life -- owning a house and a car and being able to support a family -- seems like a struggle, especially when compared with your parents' generation.

其次，不列颠人的社会更加平等。尽管美利坚人的人均GDP更高，但我们绝大多数人（99%的人）都不开心，因为我们的贫富差距永远在加大。不列颠人的社会不平等比我们少。他们的中线收入在过去的十年里增加了（于我们正相反）。

美利坚的中产阶级曾经是世界上最有钱的。现在被加拿大超越了。除非你是美利坚人里的那1%，否则你很可能工资没涨过。要活得好——有车有房养家糊口——已经很不容易了，特别是当你和你父母那一代人对比的时候。

Americans could also learn a few lessons from the Brits when it comes to good manners.

When I took students with me to film news reports of the 2012 Olympics in London, we dealt with unimaginable crowds on the street, in the shopping centers and on the Tube. Did we hear groans of exasperation when we accidentally bumped into Brits in Parliament Square while trying to get a better view of Big Ben? Never. Did we see looks of frustration when our cameras accidentally knocked into innocent people in Piccadilly Circus? Not even once.

This patience and politeness stands in stark contrast to the attitude in big American cities, where cab drivers curse at you just for your mere existence, and TSA agents at American airports compete for the title of Biggest Emotional Abuser.

美国人还能向不列颠人学习的，是他们良好的教养。

当我带着我的学生们到伦敦去拍摄2012年奥林匹克运动会的新闻报导时，我们发现街上的人简直不可思议的多。购物中心、地铁里人山人海。当我们在国会广场想要更好地拍摄大本钟而不小心撞到不列颠人时，我们听到过恼怒的吼叫抱怨声吗？从来没有。当我们的摄像机在皮卡迪利转盘不小心撞到了旁边的人时，我们会看到不爽的脸吗？一次都没有！

这种耐心和礼貌和美国大城市里人们的态度形成了鲜明的反差。的士司机仅仅因为你挡了路就诅咒你。美国机场TSA检查人员在竞争最大恶心表情的头衔。

Finally, America would benefit from a closer association with Britain's culture. The country that produced Shakespeare, the world's best storyteller, has also given us some of the best entertainment and media of modern times. Our imitation of British television (e.g. "The Office") speaks for itself. Has any band ever topped the Beatles?

And nothing against PBS and NPR, but the BBC produces some of the best publicly funded journalism, putting much of the world's radio and television news programs to shame. The world respects the United Kingdom, in part, because the BBC is so trustworthy. That's called soft power.

最后，美利坚和不列颠的文化如果更加融合，会让美利坚得益。这是一个产生了莎士比亚的国家。那可是全世界最棒的作家，是现代不少顶级娱乐影视的来源。我们模仿着不列颠的电视节目（比如说“The Office”）就很说明问题了。还有什么乐队能超过甲壳虫呢？

还有，我不是想黑PBS和NPR，但BBC是最好的公营媒体，在全球的电台和电视频道里都是顶尖的。世界都尊重联合王国，很大程度就是因为BBC如此可靠可信赖。这就是软实力。

But wait, you ask. What's in it for the Brits? Three things. Natural resources (oh so much land!), the majestic Grand Canyon and a sport called "American football." They'll love it.

So remember, Americans, if Scotland votes for independence on September 18, let's improve our lives by asking to take their place -- if not officially, then at least in spirit. We hold this truth to be self-evident: Brits have a superior society.

Americans claim we don't want a monarchy, but deep down, we're just as hungry as our British cousins for news about Queen Elizabeth, Princes William and Harry, and those adorable royal babies.

England, will you take us back?

不过，你说，等一下。这件事对不列颠人有什么好处？三点。自然资源（那么多的土地！），壮观的大峡谷和美式足球！他们一定会喜欢的！

因此，美国人你们要记住了。如果18号苏格兰公投独立了。让我们为了活得更好而顶上吧。如果不能正式顶上，至少在精神上顶上。我们认为此事不证自明：不列颠是高等社会。

美国人说，我们不想要君主制。但我们美利坚人，难道不也是打心底里和不列颠表亲们一样渴望伊丽莎白女王、威廉哈利王子还有各种皇家宝贝的新闻吗？

英格兰，你们会欢迎我们回来吗？