主题：最近看到的笑话之三 -- 钛豌豆

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

歐盟把英語定為官方語言

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

作為妥協, 英国政府在未來5年間, 循序漸進地, 对 英文單字的串法 上進行一些改進, 使其成為"歐式英語"

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Certainly, this will make the civil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should clear up confusion, and keyboards can have one less letter.

第一年, S發音的C直接寫成S, K發音的C直接寫成K, 鍵盤上可以用小一個鍵

There will be growing public enthusiasm in the second year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like photograph 20% shorter.

第二年把PH寫成F, 有些字如PHOTOGRAPH照片可縮短20%

In the 3rd year, public acceptance of the new spelling can be expected to reach the stage where more complicated changes are possible. Governments will encourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterrent to accurate spelling. Also, all will agree that the horrible mess of the silent "e" in the language is disgraceful and it should go away.

第三年, 公眾接受新款串法后可把難度加大, 疊字和不發音的E字可刪

By the 4th year people will be receptive to steps such as replacing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

第4年, 用Z代替TH，還有用V代替W。

During the fifth year, the unnecessary "o" can be dropped from words containing "ou" and after this fifth year, we will have a really sensible written style.

第5年, 帶OU的字可刪去O, 此時便会有一個合理的書寫模式了

There wil be no more trouble or difficulties and everyone will find it easy to understand each other. The dream of a united Europe will finally come true.

無疑, 人人將能輕易互相理解, 歐洲大同之夢終圓

And after the fifth year, we will all be speaking German like they wanted in the first place.

5年后, 如當初所想, 我們都說德語

If this made you smile, please pass it on to other people

如果你笑了, 請傳開